Despite my
best efforts to keep my life all
status-quo
and shit
I feel things changing
and it scares the crap out of me
I want it so badly
I want to change so badly
I know how
complacent I have become
and I hate it
I hate myself for that
(not a long leap
by any imagination)
but simultaneous-like
change scares
the living shit out of me
I suppose it would scare anyone
I suppose I can’t always
blame that one on my brain injury
but fuck change scares me
but hey, the muse struck, here at four am
like she usually does
that bitch
I mean really, why can’t she keep
normal fucking hours like the rest of humanity
but I digress
so hey, the muse struck, at four am
and I listened to her
whereas usually I would mistake her
for something else,
or not hear her at all,
or maybe even stuff a sock in that fat bitch’s mouth …
and I dunno, it feels like I just ate
a stick of spiritual dynamite
and that sucker just went off
in my under-used heart
blowing it wide open
here’s hoping I can get some more mileage
out of it
real soon now
being complacent sucks
I gotta tell ya.
